Growing Friendships
Sometimes you outgrow things. You outgrow people, places and projects that through the walking of life changed faces.
As I changed throughout my life, I check in with myself to make aure I change every day, for the better. I definitely have seasons when my mood is a little lower than my bubble self prefers; but I know, now how to care for myself when life tends to be harder than the usual.
Throughout tos growth, I realized you grow things. Sometimes, people only like you when you are agreeable, look and talk sweet and demand no change from them. Sometimes people like you when you want nothing from them, and when you are easy going and tend to enjoy the same things you used to do.
Somwtimes you outgrow places because your growth is continous, while others have a cap and no longer want to push themselves, to be better. And that is okay. I'm just not for complaceny and I never was. I have had many days when I needed help, and instead of getting the help I have been asking for, I was judged for needing it. Five years I have been going to the same doctor and frequently presenting the same issues and even asking for different requisition, only to be placed with judgements, rejections and actually action the looked like gaslighting and negative tones that wounded the pain even deeper. Thanks but no thanks.
And those years added up. Sometimes people get stuck seeing you for the version you used to be versus the person you are today. Some people can see the versions of yourself you have outgrown and quickly congratulate you because they themselves on a journey that requires a new challenge to be faced, which then, changes who they were and they become something of a newer version, of themselves. They have a new face. If people don't grow together, then, they grow apart.
There is this bookmark, I got from Indigo, that says, 'we are like branches of a tree. From one root comes many branches.' And while that's true, it is important to notice what tree you are. Because different types need their own root, soil, planter or environment.
Sometimes people like you only when you want nothing from them. But when you require someone to change, because you have changed, that is another story. It is a story that requires both people, to love a challenge. I am someone who seeks contact growth, constant challenge I am always in beta. I changed from who I was when I was 26 to who I am today. At 37 years of age, I lived way too many lifetimes and I cannot look back at those five years of not getting the help I asked of, and deeply want to hug that version of me. But if there are people who look at me and only see me today for someone who was, "lazy," during those five years WITHOUT seeing thr whole picture, then it is hard to grow together when someone is stuck in thr wrong era of your life; where you no longer can relate to. It is like learning to bike, or to drive, and someone keeps telling you about the TTC system we have today. You were able to relate to it five years ago, but today, you simple have no clue, that perhaps there is even a whole another line added onto the transit system.
Sometimes we outgrow places, people and projects. Sometimes, people prefer the version of you that was sweet and kind and needed nothing from anyone. Sometimes people think that giving you one thing, like money, cars and clothes, one time, excuses someone from being present in your life and doing the work it takes to keep a friendship. But gifts, do not excuse the absence of a loved one. Gifts are one time things. They are not fluid. But sometimes that is all a person wants to be in your life; one time and for the daily, they would rather not. Amd thst is okay. And it is also okay if you need more. If you need time from someone you love because after all, gifts do not form an emotional connection let a lone deepen a friendship. To have a meaningful friendship, it requires both people to want the same things. It requires both people, to want a friendship with one another. When that does not exist, there is no friendship, it is just an exchange. And like each exchanges, it is a one time thing that does not require constant care. And like each tree, we too need constant care, otherwise what we have, withers.
Xo,
Anika