The Category of Your Beauty
Category
Recently, I went on a hike and it got me thinking about how women are in different walks of their life. Some are single and happy, some are married but unhappy and some are single looking to start a family. There are some women who are recently out of a relationship and some who are happy moms and wives. The categories are endless, but needless to say, we are all somewhere at our walks of life. And the group that I focus my writing for, revolves around the single group of women, who are in their 30s and are happy to create their own foundation before they are paired up with someone to start a family with.
Beauty Close By
When I was hiking, to see water falls in the Ontario region area, I realized how lucky, I am to be able to see so much beauty, so close by. I used to travel a lot and seen many beautiful things, but I had to travel far and wide just to find them. I realized, sometimes that, consistency, is the true beauty. It is not always necessarily hours away by a plane, but right here, around the corner.
The Push for More
In the past I would constantly seek a way to do more, and to be more. I had no appetite for simplicity. I wanted to be better, at all times. Except, what I did not know is that simplicity does not mean complacency. Simplicity means to have as much of a stress-free life as possible. Simplicity, what I have come to know today, is beauty in the silence. It is beauty in the inhale and exhale of conversations between people who share similar interests and light-up at all things nature-related. Beauty is as quiet as a centipede or as synchronized as the colors on a monarch butterfly.32
Choices
Where ever beauty finds you today, I hope you can be present for it, without seeking the thrill for better. As someone who is on the spectrum of autism, I have had my share of special interests that did not stick. I am used to seeking, the next best thing. Whether it is shoes, tv-shows, food, or a fitness routine, I am used to that type of (seeking), lifestyle. But to me, that type of thrill-seeking does not fall into the category of simplicity. If anything, it leave me exhausted and dissatisfied because there is no foundation. A foundation is needed for everyone. Every single person must have one, or they will feel frazzled and anxious. Instead, I want to arrive at the feeling of calm. I want to calmly explore. I want to calmly do my chores. I want to live a calm AND an exciting life. Simple AND beautiful. And, instead of seeking the next new thing. I want to commit, to a thing. I want that beautiful foundation for myself, that leaves me calm. That is why instead of running away, from choices, I want to commit to the choices I have chosen.
The Spectrum of Possibilties
Being on the spectrum, means that I do not know what kind of level of support I need for a specific day, and that itself can be quite exhausting. It can mean, plans change for me, from one minute to the next because having access to certain parts of my brain are just off limits. And that back and forth change, itself is already challenging enough. It leaves me self-conscious and as a result, or I panic and then shut down. Which then means, I cancel or move onto something new, where I have not felt the sting of my autism, defeat me. Where, my autism, did not ruin things for me. That is why, it was difficult for me, to keep to one thing, because, at some point, my autistic traits do resurface and I would then become embarrassed. Maybe this time, instead of running towards the next best thing, I can walk and enjoy the sight of wild raspberries while tripping over a stick. Maybe this time, the challenge for me, is not to do more and be more, but to be me. To sit with that discomfort of silence where the pixie dust settles, and I become okay, at not being perfect at everything and trying so hard to cover my colors that I exhaust myself and thus retrieve back to the cycle of isolation. This time, I will continue the hike even when it becomes difficult, because I know that is goes towards seeing something beautiful at the end.
Xo,
Anika