Rumination Burnout

Different Types of Burnout

There are moments in your life, when you feel burned out from every day tasks, and then there are moments you feel burned out from thinking about how things could have been different. Being burned out is something I know very well. It is that one thing that - just when you think your burn out season is over, it holds on a little longer to finish the final touches for setting your life up better for the next season. Either way, being burned out, is not fun, and it is one of those things that you think will be over soon like a flu. Except it is much worse because there is an end to having a flu. Being burned out, seems to drag on forever, with no end in sight.

There are four distinctive moments in my life that I remember when I burned out really bad, I could not walk. Each time, I have not realized that it can be a re-occurring thing in my life. I thought that, once the flu is over, it is over and I can get “back” to my regular life. I thought once I, “heal,” I will be even better than I was before and I won’t have to be so careful about my energy, food intake, nighttime routine, fitness schedule and so many other things that come with burn out. Most importantly the endless resting that comes with it, is almost like punishment that does not seem to end.

Tired From Rumination

Whatever your season of burn out looks like, you are not alone. Even though many people go through it, I feel like many people do not discuss the reality that is part of it. Burn-out comes in waves. And I cannot say it is ever fully healed. I think of burn out as something to monitor, like my thoughts. Because constant rumination leads to mental burn out just as much as physical exhaustion. It is not always easy to rule out, why you are burned out and whether it is a physical or a mental burn-out.

Since I am a little bit more seasoned in my burn-out journey, I have been paying attention to it a little longer, versus someone who is noticing it, as of recently. For me, my biggest cause of burn out is mental rumination. I have thought a lot about what my life could have been like, if I chose different options in different areas in my life. I am notorious for going down that rabbit hole and hanging out there until I realize, I need to drink some water and go for a nice bike ride to separate myself from the fiction I created and the reality that is at the doorstep.

Choose Different

Recently, I noticed, I have been ruminating about my faults and making myself feel bad about each choice I made thus far. Even though it is necessary to take an inventory of your life, it is not necessarily cool to put that at the fore front of your every thought, during the days. It is okay to feel bad for a moment, but it is not okay to feel bad daily about the same things that happened years ago. It just is not cool to make those thoughts the main thing every day - especially if you are on a journey to create a healthy relationship with yourself.

Whatever the reason for rumination is, it is okay to allow yourself to see your faults, mistakes and how you would have done things differently, but it is just not cool, to have the same thought, each day, for months or years; especially when those thoughts just make you feel like a bad human being. Instead, I think only a good human being, just like a good athlete, would replay certain scenarios only to be better next time. Except maybe it is okay to put a pause on replaying and start living instead.

Xo,
Anika